Life's Theater

Something inside me has started ticking, set off in motion by a series of events that will cumulated in a decoration of recognition. The cogs and wheels that have been set off into momentum are edging me forward in a solo campaign for equality amongst the contenders.

In an award that seeks to distinguish those outstanding in their altruistic contributions towards our society, I cannot stand by and abide potential nominees who wield their involvements in projects in which they received monetary profits, using them as declarations of their participation against those others who have done so out of selfless motivations.

As one of the many who have given truely out of the heart without any expectations of profit or material gain, if such a nominee does indeed triumph using such means, it would no doubt be a slap in all our faces, given the amount of dedication which we have pumped and given to our society, without any glimmer of desire for recognition or return.

Wierd that I would feel so strongly about such a quest, in that even if I succeed, the receipant of the award would most probably not be myself, but another. Perhaps it is due to the amount of injustice which I have bourne witness to over the years. Perhaps it the time when my heart has decided to speak out aloud and to try and make a positive change for others around me.

Nevertheless, whatever it is, this is one issue which I feel strongly about. Despite my idealism, in a world where some get their cake and eat it, where many have proclaimed it as unfair, I will try, with every fiber of my being, to create a level playing field, where fairness and equality will be a reality for all players, for once.

Despite many weeks of analysing, brooding and pondering, I have yet to contemplate on a subject fit of my portfolio; the final obstacle that stands in the path of my road to the utter abandonment of my academic duties until the winter is over.

I have considered many topics, from that of religion, staging, feminism and culture, to name a few. Yet, all of them seem either too one-sided or too well explored to grant me the necessary depth that I would require.

Perhaps I need to seek council from my verbal-sparring partner to grant me some inspiration.

I compose my first post as a release from an incident that has laid anchor to my mind, lending rant to my mouth as a gnawing melancholy that has burrowed into my heart. Perhaps a transcription of my sentiments will repress these feelings and lend better control to my emotions.

Disappointment has consumed me over the better half of the last thirty four hours. A sensation that quells up unexpectedly at the slightest hint of the preceedings that led to our absymal failure. A malfunction of a presentation that should never have happened, that has left the bitter taste of discontent on my tongue.

It was never an issue of the unjust distribution of work. Rather, mainly regarding the assignment of duties that one had partook on behalf of his lack of contribution, or perhaps out of guilt. Nevertheless, the absymal and slipshod quality of work presented, considering the vast measures of time taken for it's creation, was more than disappointing. Forewarning and reminders were made, with none heeded. References and sources were created, with none referred. The concluding results were nothing less than shockingly inadequate.

I do reprimand myself for not taking better control of the situation, for not commandering the duties bestowed upon him better. For my lack of scrutiny in his work, in lieu of his shortcomings, which I should have foreseen. For my lack of attention to the details presented before me, I regret not amending whatever I could possibly have, despite the clock moving against me.

I feel for the other pair of compatriots in our assembly, friends to him and to me, as I am to him, no doubt, of their sense of betrayal and disappointment. Eventhough i am not at liberty to establish their impressions of him, in the aftermath of this incident; I believe it is no less lacking than how i feel, save the disgust which may be unique to me alone.

In the wake of this catastrophe, all that remains is for the three of us to hold our heads up high and to salvage what we can in the approaching trial of ink and manuscripts. To the unfortuned duo, I wish you both all the best.

And it is here that I must end this rant, for already it hinges on the edges of self-indulgency.

To self - a lesson learnt, to select one's associates with better care in the near future.

Have a good night.